I'm a Brat

So something that I used to pride myself on was being spoiled without being a brat. Like I was always the kid who could take no and be okay with it. Or who understood when i couldn't have something. But as of late I've been realizing that I really am a spoiled Brat. I used to play it off by saying that I just like things a certain way. I'm just particular. I just know what I want in life. But the truth is I want what I want, when I want it, from who I want it. The only real problem with that is that i throw tantrums when I don't get what I want. Not like laying on the floor kicking and screaming, but they might as well be. I mean whether it's at work, or church, or in my relationship, or at home I do it. My tantrums are usually me shutting the world out. When people do something I don't like I have a tendency of never telling them but of shutting them out. I go into a bubbl, I don't answer calls or texts; and yet I don't feel that I need to explain myself to them. The thing is that sometimes it is very warranted, but instead of expressing myself I turn into a recluse. I don't want to talk, I don't want to hear their mouth, and I feel like no one understands. It sucks that the only people I really talk to are LeRonda, Brandon, Jermaine (if we were still talking), and something Bribri. Like I'm in a whole relationship and he will probably never fully understand me because I just can't bring myself to divulge myself to him. I don't want him to see me at my worst which means that he can't know the true me yet. The other problem is that my family always raised me as a Princess and with impossibly high standards, so as I get older it's hard for me to break these habits or to be lacks on what I expect. I like attention --- and I'm realizing that the reason I've been anti-relationship for the past few years is that without a relationship I can have a list of guys and when one is not giving me the attention I want, I can always go to the next. In a relationship you're not supposed to do that. But it's weird when you're dating someone who hates talking on the phone and you love it. Like I guess I already knew it about him but really NEVER? We have NEVER talked on the phone. WTFreak! And when I call to see what he would do if I start a phone convo he doesn't answer.......my other relationship complaint is the same one I've always had, and always dreaded. When someone has you they stop doing what it took to get you. We talk (and by talk I obvi mean text because he doesn't like to talk on the phone) a lot less. His urgency to talk to me and be with me seems so much less than it did when he was trying to get me. And that irks me. I just want someone who stays with the same intensity they always had. Someone who wants me just as bad at day 30 as he did at day 1........ I guess I just complain to much. Oh well, you gotta suck it up and live with your decisions rightr