so I'm 21 and I am officially lerning myself and I love it. For a long time I have defined myself by the people around me and the way that they view things. Life, relationships, sex, etc. I am finally getting to the point where I have an opinion. Wait, let me rephraase....i have always had an opinion,; i am getting to the point where i am confident in my own opinions and learning to rely on what I think. Of course what i've decided has had it's influences but it is the decision that i have arrived at.
First is the concept of sex......
For a very long time i put sex on the highest petastal. In fact i was not okay with talking about it, I didnt want to think about it. I was freaked out by it. It just was an untouchable topic. I was part of the belief system that sex should only be had in marriage. Then i started to think about exactly what sex meant to me and why i felt like it was only okay in marriage. For me was the idea that marriage meant it was committed and no one else was involved in it. But then i looked at the statistics on marriage and cheating and divorce and infidelity and realized that for most marriage didnt mean that you would be the only two involved in your sexual esperiences. i also realized that I was ruining my chances with any man because i was putting way too much energy into the idea that i wasnt ready to have sex. or that i didnt even want to discuss the idea of sex. My newest decision is that sex is not all bad. I'm not so afraid of it anymore, in fact enjoy it
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Lessons Learned
So i just remembered that I had a blog and I decided that it would be a good idea to post something. Of course I made this decision while I should be doing something else, but it doesn't really matter becuase for some reason I have a bunch of things running through my head that I apparently need to get off my chest.
Lately I've been going through this phase where I want to learn as much as I can about life and where I am honestly sitting down and figuring out where I stand on a lot of issues. And onne of the things that I really seem to be interested in right now is relationships.
I guess that since I decided that I was fully healed from my last relationship I was ready to begin a new one. But i realized fully where I made mistakes in the past one and what went on that I didnt want in the new ones; so I made some decisions to figure myself out and figure out what i wanted my future to look out and figure out what traits i wanted the future guy to have. I made a decision to know me before i tried to know a relationship and I think it was the greatest decision I've made in recent history.
While I was taking the time to figure me out I did a lot of reading and listening. I read Hill Harper's letters to a young sister and learned so much....so many things i wished I'd known before I was getting into relationships and allowing myself to be affected by all of the things around me. And currently I'm reading Hill Harpers "The COnversation" and am once again learning all types of things about love, relationships, and this life.
What I am learning is that I need to not be so uptight. Not everything has to be figured out. I dont need to have all the answers right now and I am becoming okay with that. For a while I had to know the outcome, I planned every conversation, every encounter, every moment. And I am finally learning to let nature take it's course. I am enjoying the flirting aspect. It's worth every moment. It drives me insane some days, and it puts my stomach in knots when they dont answer me, but I still love it! And the guy im flirting with makes me happy. Well when he's talking to me.....I'm in the phase where when his name pops up in my BBM or on my twitter i lose it.....i know its bad. That's not to say that i dont have these future life fantasies of him, but that's only because he's the flavor of the month. When it's over I'll be fine, I've been moving o from crushes pretty easily recently.
What I'm also learning is that 1 I dont have to go through everything myself. It is okay to learn from the mistakes of others. i have been lucky enough to have amazing convos with people much smarter than me when it comes to relationships lately and i love it. I am thankful for my big cousins who dont have a problem letting me know what they've experienced and that it's more than okay to feel what I'm feeling. 2 I've learned that people make more problems for themselves. ......not to be judgemnental but that to me makes me feel like youre setting yourself up for the dissapointment.
I have made the decision to break the vicious cylce of unhappy love lives in my family. and of bitter women with men who dont respect them. i want and will have (by the grace of God) a wonderful marriage, with beautiful children and I will be happy.
hmmmm what other lessons have i learned?
i've learned to just let life happen. i can't plan my future cus i dont control my future. I mean I can work towards the life I'd like but I seriously can't make things go my way. God is gonna do whatever he wants to do and I am seriously okay with that at this point in my world!
Lately I've been going through this phase where I want to learn as much as I can about life and where I am honestly sitting down and figuring out where I stand on a lot of issues. And onne of the things that I really seem to be interested in right now is relationships.
I guess that since I decided that I was fully healed from my last relationship I was ready to begin a new one. But i realized fully where I made mistakes in the past one and what went on that I didnt want in the new ones; so I made some decisions to figure myself out and figure out what i wanted my future to look out and figure out what traits i wanted the future guy to have. I made a decision to know me before i tried to know a relationship and I think it was the greatest decision I've made in recent history.
While I was taking the time to figure me out I did a lot of reading and listening. I read Hill Harper's letters to a young sister and learned so much....so many things i wished I'd known before I was getting into relationships and allowing myself to be affected by all of the things around me. And currently I'm reading Hill Harpers "The COnversation" and am once again learning all types of things about love, relationships, and this life.
What I am learning is that I need to not be so uptight. Not everything has to be figured out. I dont need to have all the answers right now and I am becoming okay with that. For a while I had to know the outcome, I planned every conversation, every encounter, every moment. And I am finally learning to let nature take it's course. I am enjoying the flirting aspect. It's worth every moment. It drives me insane some days, and it puts my stomach in knots when they dont answer me, but I still love it! And the guy im flirting with makes me happy. Well when he's talking to me.....I'm in the phase where when his name pops up in my BBM or on my twitter i lose it.....i know its bad. That's not to say that i dont have these future life fantasies of him, but that's only because he's the flavor of the month. When it's over I'll be fine, I've been moving o from crushes pretty easily recently.
What I'm also learning is that 1 I dont have to go through everything myself. It is okay to learn from the mistakes of others. i have been lucky enough to have amazing convos with people much smarter than me when it comes to relationships lately and i love it. I am thankful for my big cousins who dont have a problem letting me know what they've experienced and that it's more than okay to feel what I'm feeling. 2 I've learned that people make more problems for themselves. ......not to be judgemnental but that to me makes me feel like youre setting yourself up for the dissapointment.
I have made the decision to break the vicious cylce of unhappy love lives in my family. and of bitter women with men who dont respect them. i want and will have (by the grace of God) a wonderful marriage, with beautiful children and I will be happy.
hmmmm what other lessons have i learned?
i've learned to just let life happen. i can't plan my future cus i dont control my future. I mean I can work towards the life I'd like but I seriously can't make things go my way. God is gonna do whatever he wants to do and I am seriously okay with that at this point in my world!
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