Thursday, March 17, 2011
7 DAYS :)
In just 7 days the first annual bestie's weekend will be commencing in Atlanat, Georgia. I am way too excited for a mini vacay from real life and to see my best friend who I haven't seen since July.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Thank God For Music
I'm sitting here and I have my iTunes Dj directing the musical stylings for the day and I am realizing how blessed we are to have music. I don't verbalize my feelings well in the least bit. But music has always been that bit of an escape for me. If I'm happy, if I'm sad, if I'm missing someone, if I'm angry - to bite off of the apple slogan- there's a song for that. I don't have to do anything but listen and it's almost like whatever is wrong just disappears. Combine music and writing and I can't have a bad day.
I like to think back to when I was a little girl and would sing in my hair brush, in my room, with the music turned all the way. Just shutting out everything that is wrong with the world. Okay, let me tell they truth that was me just earlier today. Music has the ability to make you feel sexy, untouchable, angelic, anything that you need to feel music can do that.
Not only does it make me feel every emotion I need to feel but it also let's me know that everything is okay. When I'm listening to music and the writer is writing about what I'm feeling I know that I'm not crazy. That I'm not the only one who's gone through this, or felt this way, or made this mistake. It's theraputic.
Whether I need reassurance that God loves me, or that love is hard sometimes, or that it's okay to not be "in love" at the moment; music provides that. It doesn't need for me to explain what's wrong. Or to know who did it. Or why I made the decisions I did. It just fixes everything - at least for the moment. It even gives advice.
In brown sugar, Sanaa Lathan's character was writing a book that she penned as her love letter to hip-hop. And while I love hip-hop I can't limit my love letter to just one genre. A song from every different style of music has entered my body at a point and healed some part of me. So this blog post is my love letter to music. One of the true loves of my life. You never really disappoint me. Even if I dislike one song or one album or even one genre there is another one right there that makes me fall in love all over again. The way you touch my emotions makes me feel like you must know voodoo. You empower me, you take over me, you make me laugh, you make me cry and I love you for that. You embody everything that I need in life and so much more-- now if only I could find you in man form everything would be all gravy...I love you, I need you, I want you, and I am so blessed to have you!
I like to think back to when I was a little girl and would sing in my hair brush, in my room, with the music turned all the way. Just shutting out everything that is wrong with the world. Okay, let me tell they truth that was me just earlier today. Music has the ability to make you feel sexy, untouchable, angelic, anything that you need to feel music can do that.
Not only does it make me feel every emotion I need to feel but it also let's me know that everything is okay. When I'm listening to music and the writer is writing about what I'm feeling I know that I'm not crazy. That I'm not the only one who's gone through this, or felt this way, or made this mistake. It's theraputic.
Whether I need reassurance that God loves me, or that love is hard sometimes, or that it's okay to not be "in love" at the moment; music provides that. It doesn't need for me to explain what's wrong. Or to know who did it. Or why I made the decisions I did. It just fixes everything - at least for the moment. It even gives advice.
In brown sugar, Sanaa Lathan's character was writing a book that she penned as her love letter to hip-hop. And while I love hip-hop I can't limit my love letter to just one genre. A song from every different style of music has entered my body at a point and healed some part of me. So this blog post is my love letter to music. One of the true loves of my life. You never really disappoint me. Even if I dislike one song or one album or even one genre there is another one right there that makes me fall in love all over again. The way you touch my emotions makes me feel like you must know voodoo. You empower me, you take over me, you make me laugh, you make me cry and I love you for that. You embody everything that I need in life and so much more-- now if only I could find you in man form everything would be all gravy...I love you, I need you, I want you, and I am so blessed to have you!
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Being Young and Dating Someone Else's 'Baby Daddy'
So I just read a post on NicoleBitchie's page in reference to being under 25 and dating a man with kids and why it is a no go. - http://bitchielife.necolebitchie.com/2011/03/babies-mamas-should-childless-women-under-25-date-men-with-kids/?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+BitchieLife+%28Bitchie+Life%29&utm_content=Twitter - The crazy part is that it totally opened my eyes to a lot of things and made me think -- maybe at 22, someone being a father isn't such a bad thing to have be a negative on my list of what I look for in a man.
Let me premise this by saying, I love children and fully support the young men who are fathers taking care of their children. And let me also say that I have dated men with children here and on the way so I do speak from experience. And what my experience has taught me is that it is okay to be ultra selective in my early twenties.
Like the article said I have my 30s and 40s to be a mama and a stepmama if it turns out that way, I should be enjoying these years without the responsibility of child. And when I think about it, why should my life be completely altered so young for a decision that you made that had nothing to do with me.
In my first experience the man that I was dating was a single father. He was great with his little girl, loved her so much, was the kind of father that I want my future children to be blessed to have but I was only 18/19. He was making grown up decisions and I was still deciding what clubs to join in college. He had to make the right decisions for his child which I commend but those weren't always the right decisions for me. I love that little girl so much but I was in no place to be her step-mom at 18 than I am at 22. The relationship really ended when he decided to move to Atlanta with his family because it would be better for his daughter. There was question of me going with him but honestly I wasn't ready to be that selfless. I didn't have any desire to be in Atlanta, I was still in school, and to be honest I couldn't see myself as his wife. And to make matters worst there was no talk of marriage and I'll be damned if I'm changing my location to become someone's second baby mama. The young man and I are still friends and I get updates about how his beautiful little girl is growing up but I watch them grow and know even more now than I did then that being with him and playing mommy to her was not the way to go, and I am thankful to God for the guidance there.
My second situation involved my "first love". I'd known him before he became a father and dated him before he was a dad as well. We have that sort of torrid off again on again, i hate you I love you sort of relationship and during one of our off agains he got some female pregnant. So when we got back together he had a baby on the way. And here I was thinking that since I try not to invite drama in my life we would be good. The problem is that I knew that the young lady was drama well before I got back into this but I figured she and I wouldn't have to deal with one another. But dealing with her took the precedence in the relationship with him. There was drama morning, noon, and night. He couldn't deal with her, me, his family, school, work and I certainly couldn't do the same. Especially since she wasn't my dog on baby mama. And to make matters worse, I had my family in my ear telling me I didn't need to be dealing with this and my friends in my ear telling me to let it go. But of course I wasn't listening; sadly I never did/do when it comes to this young man. The relationship ended before the baby got here because honestly I just can't be involved with drama that long. He since has another baby with the same young lady who at 22 and now has 4 children by 3 men; and of course they're not together.
So going through those two situations I must agree with the article. I can say that I want a man with a job, with a degree - or some equivalent-, with strong faith.....why can't I say I want a man without a child. I know it sounds mean but honestly he should be focused right now. He should be making sure his child is taken care of and happy and has everything that they need. He should be spending most of his free time with his child, or family, or friends he doesn't have enough time for me. I mean I have no problem blaming it all on myself and saying that I'm too spoiled to have to compete with your child(ren) right now in life; because I know I will always lose. And I know way too many men who have made it to this point in life without children to believe that it is the norm. And as I said before, why should I have to alter my life for a decision that you and someone else made that had nothing to do with me. I have made a conscience effort not to become a mother yet in life (though I so desperately want children- but I realize that I am not ready); and since I've made that decision I don't think your decision should effect how I live my life.
This so obviously does not include dead beat dads because they're lives aren't changed at all by the presence of their children. But in all actuality I don't want you either-- how can you deny and ignore your own flesh and blood. You have absolutely nothing to offer me. And to the young father's doing it, I commend you, and maybe somewhere in the future would love to get to know you. But we'll have to be friends for at least 3 years before anything can happen. :)
Let me premise this by saying, I love children and fully support the young men who are fathers taking care of their children. And let me also say that I have dated men with children here and on the way so I do speak from experience. And what my experience has taught me is that it is okay to be ultra selective in my early twenties.
Like the article said I have my 30s and 40s to be a mama and a stepmama if it turns out that way, I should be enjoying these years without the responsibility of child. And when I think about it, why should my life be completely altered so young for a decision that you made that had nothing to do with me.
In my first experience the man that I was dating was a single father. He was great with his little girl, loved her so much, was the kind of father that I want my future children to be blessed to have but I was only 18/19. He was making grown up decisions and I was still deciding what clubs to join in college. He had to make the right decisions for his child which I commend but those weren't always the right decisions for me. I love that little girl so much but I was in no place to be her step-mom at 18 than I am at 22. The relationship really ended when he decided to move to Atlanta with his family because it would be better for his daughter. There was question of me going with him but honestly I wasn't ready to be that selfless. I didn't have any desire to be in Atlanta, I was still in school, and to be honest I couldn't see myself as his wife. And to make matters worst there was no talk of marriage and I'll be damned if I'm changing my location to become someone's second baby mama. The young man and I are still friends and I get updates about how his beautiful little girl is growing up but I watch them grow and know even more now than I did then that being with him and playing mommy to her was not the way to go, and I am thankful to God for the guidance there.
My second situation involved my "first love". I'd known him before he became a father and dated him before he was a dad as well. We have that sort of torrid off again on again, i hate you I love you sort of relationship and during one of our off agains he got some female pregnant. So when we got back together he had a baby on the way. And here I was thinking that since I try not to invite drama in my life we would be good. The problem is that I knew that the young lady was drama well before I got back into this but I figured she and I wouldn't have to deal with one another. But dealing with her took the precedence in the relationship with him. There was drama morning, noon, and night. He couldn't deal with her, me, his family, school, work and I certainly couldn't do the same. Especially since she wasn't my dog on baby mama. And to make matters worse, I had my family in my ear telling me I didn't need to be dealing with this and my friends in my ear telling me to let it go. But of course I wasn't listening; sadly I never did/do when it comes to this young man. The relationship ended before the baby got here because honestly I just can't be involved with drama that long. He since has another baby with the same young lady who at 22 and now has 4 children by 3 men; and of course they're not together.
So going through those two situations I must agree with the article. I can say that I want a man with a job, with a degree - or some equivalent-, with strong faith.....why can't I say I want a man without a child. I know it sounds mean but honestly he should be focused right now. He should be making sure his child is taken care of and happy and has everything that they need. He should be spending most of his free time with his child, or family, or friends he doesn't have enough time for me. I mean I have no problem blaming it all on myself and saying that I'm too spoiled to have to compete with your child(ren) right now in life; because I know I will always lose. And I know way too many men who have made it to this point in life without children to believe that it is the norm. And as I said before, why should I have to alter my life for a decision that you and someone else made that had nothing to do with me. I have made a conscience effort not to become a mother yet in life (though I so desperately want children- but I realize that I am not ready); and since I've made that decision I don't think your decision should effect how I live my life.
This so obviously does not include dead beat dads because they're lives aren't changed at all by the presence of their children. But in all actuality I don't want you either-- how can you deny and ignore your own flesh and blood. You have absolutely nothing to offer me. And to the young father's doing it, I commend you, and maybe somewhere in the future would love to get to know you. But we'll have to be friends for at least 3 years before anything can happen. :)
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