Porcelain Doll

I guess it's my fault. I wanted to write again and I write better when I have negative emotions. Well I'm sad again. What everyone else wants for my life is what happens always. This whole desires of my heart thing never happens. Down to the concerts I go to and the guys I date. whatever anyone else wants for me is what i get. I can't even keep my peace. I'm over it./ I guess the moral of the story is to keep my head down and keep being a slave to what everyone else sees for my life. From the college I go to, to the place I live, to the care I drive. I learned a long tome ago that you can't depend on anyone, not even the one you're supposed to be able to depend on. Promises are empty and pointless.....well back to it being what everyone expects/ Back to being perfect. Quiet. Keep my head down. Do exactly what is expected. Keep your feelings and opinions to yourself. I was made to be a porcelain doll, not to be touched or played with. Made to sit on the shelf to make things look better like they have class like they are where they are supposed to be. I understand that, well back to that it is. Need to make sure my nails are done and my hair is done and I'm in my spot. I don't even have the ability of Andy's toys to move when no one is looking because someone is always looking. They are protecting me from hurting myself, I'm too fragile. I wasn't meant to feel. I was meant to keep the smile painted on my face. Well it's back. I will laugh at the right jokes and talk to the right people. No need to be a real person with real emotions........ Back to feel in the dark and pretending to be happy with everything. Just take what life gives you. I guess it's back to keeping myself sane by writing quietly where no one can see it or cares to see it..... Goodbye to the Anissa I thought I was becoming.....back to the one everyone expects me to be.