There are so many things going on in my head right now that I'm not sure where to go first.
1. I'm attempting to change who I am.....thanks to Meredith and Rachel I've started a prayer journal for the first time (knowingly). And I've been at it for a week now and I must admit that I am feeling a lot less anxious during my days. I write down the things that i really need to pray for and its making me feel oh so much better! Meredith gave me a liost of "Ways you should know God" and its helped give me a place to start. Its crazy because every single night the way it has been showing me God is the exact way that i needed him that day and i think that is telling me that it was a good idea to go about it this way. Now I need to go on the search for a good devotional for when the list is complete so that i dont slack, or maybe I'll start reading the books about the women of the Bible again so I can model myself after them....hmmmm that's a good idea...i need to write that down somewhere....oh wait I kind of already did.
2. I'm also in search of a new church. Antioch met my needs at 5 but at 21 there just feels like there is absolutely nothing there for me....so I need to like visit and see what fits for me. I mean so far I have fallen in love with Calvary, we went for a service and the pastor seriously like spoke directly to me! It really was so good. I think I'm past being "Baptist" and the "all-black" churches....I'm ready for a non-denominational multicultural place that speaks to who I am at this point in life.
3. The journal forced me to do a good deed. I kno that Kacie and i didnt get along this summer at camp and I thought about how uncomfortable certain things may have been between us, so I wrote her a facebok message and apologized for everything. i felt like i atleast owed her that because i was sort of horrible and I really dont want to make people feel like that anymore... But I think i need to ask God for forgivingness because i also wrote a letter to Courtney and I think I may have done that just to see what she would say. I think I thought God was ompelling me to do that, or atleast I told myself that he was and I knew all along that that was what I wanted to do....i was being ridiculous like really ridiculous!
4. My circle of friends may be changing as well....I havent hung out for real for real with -- and them since i think like two or three weekends ago and i'm kind of okay with that. But, I havent seen Meredith since Wednesday and I'm so upset. I think they epitamize the life that i want to lead in the future. I mean I can see them in my future the way that I want it to be. Plus they are holding me accountable to God for my prayer journal and I really really need that right now....I'm so thankful for them in my life and I love them to death!! I mean i do still love my TU fam!
5. Friday is powerhouse and I am so freaking excited! I cannot wait.....Jay-Z, Jadakiss, Day 26, TREY SONGZ, Jeremih, Mario, and Keri Hilson. I cannot wait it is going to be so good and a nice stress reliever!!! So stinking excited its not funny!
I think that's all there is to get out right now....I'll come back i promise haha
Monday, October 19, 2009
Friday, September 25, 2009
Imagine Me
So I'm sitting in my chruch office while my mother is folding her bulletins and I'm listening to the songs i have on the extra computer in the office and i was bored.....and then i was like hey i havent updated my blog in like a week so what do i want to write about. And Kirk Franklin's "Imagine Me" came on and it hit me, my faith. Im a really bad Christian. WHen i was little i was amazing...i was on the choir, usher board, drill team, dance ministry, taught sunday school, helped in the office and now its like i rarely even make it to church twice a month. Now part of that i totally blame on work but then there is the fact that I just dont do what I'm supposed to do. God was seriously dealing with me this summer at camp (christian camp i work at every summer as of late). I think i am starting to see more and more where he wants me, but its really hard to see where I'm worthy enough to uphold his name. I mean i'm no devil but im totally not a saint....i dont regret anything ive ever done because i see it all as a learning experience, but i mean how can god use me i'm no longer whole. Im not as pure as i once was, ive lacked on some of my commitments to God and its sick. I mean i'm slowly getting back but some days i just feel like i'm too far gone....i mean they say once a good girl's gone bad, she's gone forever and im starting to believe that's true.
i mean dont get me wrong i'm no whore by anyone's standards but i mean its weird that my one entire group of friends are virgins and well im not....its a bit disheartning. now i mean i wont lie some of them have done things i wouldn't think of doing (i.e. head) but i mean technically they're still untouched and i sometimes wish i could go back to that time....but i mean i guess it is kinda an imposibility now which sucks.
Yea, but i was sitting here and i hear the words to this song and it reminds me of the fact that Christ didnt only use perfect people. He didnt only use people who had done everything right in life. I mean Rehab was a prostitute, Paul (Saul) was a persecutor of Christians, David killed a man to sleep with his wife, Noah wasnt a good speaker.....so if God could use them why cant he use me. I feel that God is pulling me to work with young people (which would make sense since my family's ministry has always been youth) and to teach them. I mean when I was a teen I always said to myself how can I teach people when I've never been through anything. Well now I've been through some stuff and I have a couple of testimonys to tell. And all that I've gone through....God can now use me to be and example to young people.....
i mean dont get me wrong i'm no whore by anyone's standards but i mean its weird that my one entire group of friends are virgins and well im not....its a bit disheartning. now i mean i wont lie some of them have done things i wouldn't think of doing (i.e. head) but i mean technically they're still untouched and i sometimes wish i could go back to that time....but i mean i guess it is kinda an imposibility now which sucks.
Yea, but i was sitting here and i hear the words to this song and it reminds me of the fact that Christ didnt only use perfect people. He didnt only use people who had done everything right in life. I mean Rehab was a prostitute, Paul (Saul) was a persecutor of Christians, David killed a man to sleep with his wife, Noah wasnt a good speaker.....so if God could use them why cant he use me. I feel that God is pulling me to work with young people (which would make sense since my family's ministry has always been youth) and to teach them. I mean when I was a teen I always said to myself how can I teach people when I've never been through anything. Well now I've been through some stuff and I have a couple of testimonys to tell. And all that I've gone through....God can now use me to be and example to young people.....
Friday, September 18, 2009
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Monday, September 14, 2009
KANYE KANYE KANYE
okay so here are my views on the entire Taylor Swift/Kanye West moment from last evening at the VMAs.
Kanye West you are a fool and ignorant fool at that. How dare you have the audacity to step on stage during that girls moment and try to take that from her. You are a complete and utter douche bag for that right there. There are three main things that i want to touch on....
1.: No matter how you personally feel about the way the awards went you have no right to get on stage like that. That is exactly what things such as blogs, facebooks, twitters, interviews (and the godforsaken) myspace are for. You have every outlet open to you to voice your opinion what the hell would make you decide to step on stage and take over a moment that belonged to someone else. How would your mother feel if someone did that to you???? And I'm almost positive, atleast I hope that your mother raised you better than that. I understand you "got a big ego" and all but i think it is officially time for you to check your freaking ego boy. You made me very angry so I cant imagine how you make Taylor feel. And I would call you a sore loser, but it wasnt even your freaking loss to be upset about....ewww go sit down somewhere.
2: when it comes to the single ladies video it wasnt that great. Dont get me wrong the dancing was amazing (i.e. why she won best choreography) and it made you wanna get up and dance buts as far as the advancement of technology has come it wasnt much. It was three women (well two and a half; was that a transvestite for real?) in bathing suits dancing. It wasnt much more than a workout video. True I loved it, and tried to learn the dance, and watched it on ondemand every single day for like weeks, but it wasnt really a "video" as we have come to kno them. There were xero special effects, nothing that jumped out at you and i understand that her goal may have been to take it back to the basics but thats not what videos are about anymore and thats what you have to understand. Beyonce won Video of the year and best choreography thats what she won, deal with it. TAYLOR WON BEST FEMALE VIDEO!!! And for a song as great as you belong with me, she deserved it!
3. How you made everyone look: yourself :like the douche we always knew you were. But now even worst because you look like an even more racist douche. what the heck did it matter to you. you hadnt lost, yet. You looked like a loose cannon that cant be tamed and doesnt deserve to be out in society. You need to be in a padded room somewhere if you cant learn to control your emotions.
beyonce: STUPID! You got up there "for" here now you sorta made her look like a sore loser. and yes she did invite taylor back on stage but that was really more of a ploy to disassociate herself with you than anything else. oh yeah and to make herself look alot better. maybe u should have atleast thought about the person you were attempting to defend before you decided to be so gallant.
taylor:like the sweet young adult that she is. she was a sweet heart and showed her trooper spirit by performing right after that. you ruined her first VMA moment and that makes you an ass wipe. and her comment at the end "let's try this again" made her a G.
in all you deserved to get asked to leave and i am thankful you did so without much hooplah. but the moral of the story kanye, thought i kno you wont read this, think before you act. think about how you make yourself look and the people around you look.......
and i am now done with the subject....these r my final thoughts on the the douche....i will maintain how i've felt about him for a while....he is an asshole with a unique musical talent that he may not deserve since he doesnt kno how to be humble!!
Kanye West you are a fool and ignorant fool at that. How dare you have the audacity to step on stage during that girls moment and try to take that from her. You are a complete and utter douche bag for that right there. There are three main things that i want to touch on....
1.: No matter how you personally feel about the way the awards went you have no right to get on stage like that. That is exactly what things such as blogs, facebooks, twitters, interviews (and the godforsaken) myspace are for. You have every outlet open to you to voice your opinion what the hell would make you decide to step on stage and take over a moment that belonged to someone else. How would your mother feel if someone did that to you???? And I'm almost positive, atleast I hope that your mother raised you better than that. I understand you "got a big ego" and all but i think it is officially time for you to check your freaking ego boy. You made me very angry so I cant imagine how you make Taylor feel. And I would call you a sore loser, but it wasnt even your freaking loss to be upset about....ewww go sit down somewhere.
2: when it comes to the single ladies video it wasnt that great. Dont get me wrong the dancing was amazing (i.e. why she won best choreography) and it made you wanna get up and dance buts as far as the advancement of technology has come it wasnt much. It was three women (well two and a half; was that a transvestite for real?) in bathing suits dancing. It wasnt much more than a workout video. True I loved it, and tried to learn the dance, and watched it on ondemand every single day for like weeks, but it wasnt really a "video" as we have come to kno them. There were xero special effects, nothing that jumped out at you and i understand that her goal may have been to take it back to the basics but thats not what videos are about anymore and thats what you have to understand. Beyonce won Video of the year and best choreography thats what she won, deal with it. TAYLOR WON BEST FEMALE VIDEO!!! And for a song as great as you belong with me, she deserved it!
3. How you made everyone look: yourself :like the douche we always knew you were. But now even worst because you look like an even more racist douche. what the heck did it matter to you. you hadnt lost, yet. You looked like a loose cannon that cant be tamed and doesnt deserve to be out in society. You need to be in a padded room somewhere if you cant learn to control your emotions.
beyonce: STUPID! You got up there "for" here now you sorta made her look like a sore loser. and yes she did invite taylor back on stage but that was really more of a ploy to disassociate herself with you than anything else. oh yeah and to make herself look alot better. maybe u should have atleast thought about the person you were attempting to defend before you decided to be so gallant.
taylor:like the sweet young adult that she is. she was a sweet heart and showed her trooper spirit by performing right after that. you ruined her first VMA moment and that makes you an ass wipe. and her comment at the end "let's try this again" made her a G.
in all you deserved to get asked to leave and i am thankful you did so without much hooplah. but the moral of the story kanye, thought i kno you wont read this, think before you act. think about how you make yourself look and the people around you look.......
and i am now done with the subject....these r my final thoughts on the the douche....i will maintain how i've felt about him for a while....he is an asshole with a unique musical talent that he may not deserve since he doesnt kno how to be humble!!
WTF
So the VMAs were last night on MTV and man oh man was there alot going on! Lets start with miss lady gaga......
Lady Gaga: I can respect the fact that you are different. I can respect the fact that your music moves people. But i cannot, and will not respect those outfits. WTH were you thinking when you were getting dressed and each time you changed??? darling what was on your bicuit? I am so upset at the fact that you looked like that....... AND that performance!! Okay, so you were killing it (though i didnt see the point of putting your leg up on the piano) and then the blood...really????? why im still disturbed.....like did you hang yourself? I must agree with @LadyMac2005 on this one you have added yourself to the people who really scare/disturb/confuse me. yea....now you r right behind Rihanna and her weirdo self!
Kanye: dont worry boo you get your own blog....i kno that makes you happy
The Host: 1. forgot your name again 2.you are not at all funny 3.you are gross 4. i really didnt hear the crowd laughing they just looked at you funny 5. ewwwwww do you really get girls? or no? is that just a hoax???? 6. i really pray MTV does not invite you back....you are not the reason for the ratings the crazy crap that people like kanye do are!
The MJ Tribute :DEAR BET THIS IS HOW YOU HONOR THE KIND OF POP LOVE MTV
and dont front of Janet she was so good and did you see how all the pop divas of today (i.e. Beyonce, J.Lo, Alicia Keys) got super hype when she came on stage, she is still so amazing!
The performances: sooooo i was throughly disappointed for the most part. I felt like Lady Gaga was good until she went demonic, Beyonce was super predictable....lets do the exact same thing i did in the video but at fifty more girls in bathing suits, yea thats gold....NOT....YAWN; PINK WAS AMAZING!!! In my opinion the best performance of the night! She sang live, while doing acrobatics over the crowd.....PA stand up!!!! T.Swift honey I give you your props for singing after the bufonery and on the subway and traveling while doing it. It wasnt the best I've heard you sound but that was understandable. pretty much everything else wasnt really memorable.....oh but onto the final performance of the night.....
JAY-Z, ALICIA KEYS..........and LIL MAMA (?): so alicia killed it, she is so beautiful and amazing, and talented I feaking love her. Really Jay you gone just show up thirty seconds before your performance. where were you win your lil brother lost his freaking mind?? Beyonce please stop singing jay-z's songs like your on stage performing them or like your a freaking groupie....your his wife please be a bit more reserved....... AND LAST BUT CERTAINLY NOT LEAST.....lil mama, please please please go slap yourself in the face repeatedly for that horrible stage crashing moment.....really? Who the heck r u to jump on stage with the like of Jay-Z and Alicia Keys???? really? you just made New York look foolish.....and ater that shitty decision your helped make on ABDC earlier in the day you should have been hiding your manish looking face somewhere....you are utterly ridiculous!!!
oh yeah and BEYONCE now has just a bit of respect from me....her asking Taylor back on stage was very classy..oh yea and T.Swift is a true G "lets try this again" loved that moment, though some said it was staged.....idk what to think!
....one more thing i loved how beyonce was up for nine awards and only got two.....atleast that i heard of....FAIL!
Lady Gaga: I can respect the fact that you are different. I can respect the fact that your music moves people. But i cannot, and will not respect those outfits. WTH were you thinking when you were getting dressed and each time you changed??? darling what was on your bicuit? I am so upset at the fact that you looked like that....... AND that performance!! Okay, so you were killing it (though i didnt see the point of putting your leg up on the piano) and then the blood...really????? why im still disturbed.....like did you hang yourself? I must agree with @LadyMac2005 on this one you have added yourself to the people who really scare/disturb/confuse me. yea....now you r right behind Rihanna and her weirdo self!
Kanye: dont worry boo you get your own blog....i kno that makes you happy
The Host: 1. forgot your name again 2.you are not at all funny 3.you are gross 4. i really didnt hear the crowd laughing they just looked at you funny 5. ewwwwww do you really get girls? or no? is that just a hoax???? 6. i really pray MTV does not invite you back....you are not the reason for the ratings the crazy crap that people like kanye do are!
The MJ Tribute :DEAR BET THIS IS HOW YOU HONOR THE KIND OF POP LOVE MTV
and dont front of Janet she was so good and did you see how all the pop divas of today (i.e. Beyonce, J.Lo, Alicia Keys) got super hype when she came on stage, she is still so amazing!
The performances: sooooo i was throughly disappointed for the most part. I felt like Lady Gaga was good until she went demonic, Beyonce was super predictable....lets do the exact same thing i did in the video but at fifty more girls in bathing suits, yea thats gold....NOT....YAWN; PINK WAS AMAZING!!! In my opinion the best performance of the night! She sang live, while doing acrobatics over the crowd.....PA stand up!!!! T.Swift honey I give you your props for singing after the bufonery and on the subway and traveling while doing it. It wasnt the best I've heard you sound but that was understandable. pretty much everything else wasnt really memorable.....oh but onto the final performance of the night.....
JAY-Z, ALICIA KEYS..........and LIL MAMA (?): so alicia killed it, she is so beautiful and amazing, and talented I feaking love her. Really Jay you gone just show up thirty seconds before your performance. where were you win your lil brother lost his freaking mind?? Beyonce please stop singing jay-z's songs like your on stage performing them or like your a freaking groupie....your his wife please be a bit more reserved....... AND LAST BUT CERTAINLY NOT LEAST.....lil mama, please please please go slap yourself in the face repeatedly for that horrible stage crashing moment.....really? Who the heck r u to jump on stage with the like of Jay-Z and Alicia Keys???? really? you just made New York look foolish.....and ater that shitty decision your helped make on ABDC earlier in the day you should have been hiding your manish looking face somewhere....you are utterly ridiculous!!!
oh yeah and BEYONCE now has just a bit of respect from me....her asking Taylor back on stage was very classy..oh yea and T.Swift is a true G "lets try this again" loved that moment, though some said it was staged.....idk what to think!
....one more thing i loved how beyonce was up for nine awards and only got two.....atleast that i heard of....FAIL!
BIENVENIDOS
SOOOOO my first two classes of the day were cancelled (one is a discussion board which = cancelled to me) and I'm sitting at my grandmothers and I happened to notice that I've had my twitter for I think about two months and I already have 1,060 tweets and i said to myself.....i said "self" myself said "huh" i said "you talk to dog on much" mysel said "well i do have alot to say" and i thought hmmm what better way to say all that i have to say than in a blog. I used to have another blog like back in my highschool days on....what is that site again? hmmm well doesnt really matter now and i read it the other day and realized how much of a release writing/typing has always been for me. Since I've been like super stressed lately i decided that I needed to do something to ease all my tensions and this just may be it. Now if no one decideds to read this it would probably be a-ok with me bacuse thought i will probably post a twit about this i am a very secretive person. i mean i kinda want people to kno whats going on with me but i really hate to let them kno directly. i like to keep things all bottled in or in a place where only i can read it. so on second thought i may not post a tweet about this but i will add it to my list of websites.
So i guess this means that now i have to tell a bit about me. I'm anissa im 21 a senior in college and a ridiculously talkative person if you kno me right. the phrase "the people who dont really know me think im quiet the people who do which i was" is like the truest thing to me. I mean i have the gift of gab, it comes with the territory of the family i was born into. So a bit about my family...the immediate family includes my mother (angie -41), my sister (aniya-5; an no there are no biological siblings inbetween us), "my brother" (brandon-19; we went to church together when we were little and have adopted one another as siblings), my "sister (angel-18; same story as brandon); my grandmother (sarah-63; recently retired); cousin (joshie poo-13; juevenile delinquent), aunt (nita-36; lives in texas my favorite aunt), aunt (buffy-39; pretty annoying and we share the same first name, go figure.....oh yeah and she's joshie's mom) oh yeah and my mom is married to this dude....not important at the moment. and of course you will hear about other family i just dont have the time or energy to write all of their names, my fam is wayyyyyyy too big. plus if i start naming names i run the risk of forgetting one or two and that is never ever good. Then there are my friends who play a major role leronda (the bestie), morgan (runner up), marianne, malena, johnae, meredith, rachel...those are the main one's you'll probably hear about. oh yeah and the current love interest...who is not anything really special as of yet but i would love him to be...... {so maybe i wont post the link to this site haha}.
About my blog: I promise you that it will be random, i promise that there will be incorrect grammer (though im an english major) i promise that there will be spelling errors (i cant spell i can just define) i promise that i wont always capitalize when I'm supposed to, or you want me to or use apostrophes always (its free writing why should i stress myself) i promise that sometimes it will be funny, sometimes it will be harsh, sometimes it will be sad but it will always be from my heart. i promise that i will probably right things that annoy you, i promise that i dont really care what you think, i promis that if you dont like it you dont have to read it!
So with all of that said what more can i say you ask??????? the answer:ALOT....ENJOY!
So i guess this means that now i have to tell a bit about me. I'm anissa im 21 a senior in college and a ridiculously talkative person if you kno me right. the phrase "the people who dont really know me think im quiet the people who do which i was" is like the truest thing to me. I mean i have the gift of gab, it comes with the territory of the family i was born into. So a bit about my family...the immediate family includes my mother (angie -41), my sister (aniya-5; an no there are no biological siblings inbetween us), "my brother" (brandon-19; we went to church together when we were little and have adopted one another as siblings), my "sister (angel-18; same story as brandon); my grandmother (sarah-63; recently retired); cousin (joshie poo-13; juevenile delinquent), aunt (nita-36; lives in texas my favorite aunt), aunt (buffy-39; pretty annoying and we share the same first name, go figure.....oh yeah and she's joshie's mom) oh yeah and my mom is married to this dude....not important at the moment. and of course you will hear about other family i just dont have the time or energy to write all of their names, my fam is wayyyyyyy too big. plus if i start naming names i run the risk of forgetting one or two and that is never ever good. Then there are my friends who play a major role leronda (the bestie), morgan (runner up), marianne, malena, johnae, meredith, rachel...those are the main one's you'll probably hear about. oh yeah and the current love interest...who is not anything really special as of yet but i would love him to be...... {so maybe i wont post the link to this site haha}.
About my blog: I promise you that it will be random, i promise that there will be incorrect grammer (though im an english major) i promise that there will be spelling errors (i cant spell i can just define) i promise that i wont always capitalize when I'm supposed to, or you want me to or use apostrophes always (its free writing why should i stress myself) i promise that sometimes it will be funny, sometimes it will be harsh, sometimes it will be sad but it will always be from my heart. i promise that i will probably right things that annoy you, i promise that i dont really care what you think, i promis that if you dont like it you dont have to read it!
So with all of that said what more can i say you ask??????? the answer:ALOT....ENJOY!
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