Imagine Me

So I'm sitting in my chruch office while my mother is folding her bulletins and I'm listening to the songs i have on the extra computer in the office and i was bored.....and then i was like hey i havent updated my blog in like a week so what do i want to write about. And Kirk Franklin's "Imagine Me" came on and it hit me, my faith. Im a really bad Christian. WHen i was little i was amazing...i was on the choir, usher board, drill team, dance ministry, taught sunday school, helped in the office and now its like i rarely even make it to church twice a month. Now part of that i totally blame on work but then there is the fact that I just dont do what I'm supposed to do. God was seriously dealing with me this summer at camp (christian camp i work at every summer as of late). I think i am starting to see more and more where he wants me, but its really hard to see where I'm worthy enough to uphold his name. I mean i'm no devil but im totally not a saint....i dont regret anything ive ever done because i see it all as a learning experience, but i mean how can god use me i'm no longer whole. Im not as pure as i once was, ive lacked on some of my commitments to God and its sick. I mean i'm slowly getting back but some days i just feel like i'm too far gone....i mean they say once a good girl's gone bad, she's gone forever and im starting to believe that's true.

i mean dont get me wrong i'm no whore by anyone's standards but i mean its weird that my one entire group of friends are virgins and well im not....its a bit disheartning. now i mean i wont lie some of them have done things i wouldn't think of doing (i.e. head) but i mean technically they're still untouched and i sometimes wish i could go back to that time....but i mean i guess it is kinda an imposibility now which sucks.

Yea, but i was sitting here and i hear the words to this song and it reminds me of the fact that Christ didnt only use perfect people. He didnt only use people who had done everything right in life. I mean Rehab was a prostitute, Paul (Saul) was a persecutor of Christians, David killed a man to sleep with his wife, Noah wasnt a good speaker.....so if God could use them why cant he use me. I feel that God is pulling me to work with young people (which would make sense since my family's ministry has always been youth) and to teach them. I mean when I was a teen I always said to myself how can I teach people when I've never been through anything. Well now I've been through some stuff and I have a couple of testimonys to tell. And all that I've gone through....God can now use me to be and example to young people.....