I'm SCARED

Three days ago in the US we celebrated thee Fourth of the July. A day where we celebrate that we as a nation are free. We celebrate the fact that we left England in 1776 and became a nation entirely of our own.... There are those that argue about us stealing the land from the Indigenous people (of with my ancestors are members), there are those who argue the country was built on the back of stolen people (of which my ancestors are members), and there are those who say that in America not everyone is free (especially the black community of which I am a member). Three days ago I was one of the ones who was like why are we so dramatic. We're in America let's celebrate independence. But shortly after that my patriotic side was berated by my oppressed side... In the past 24 hours two black men were killed by police. Each man had a gun, neither man pulled his gun, each man's murder was caught on tape (one on FB live), each man leaves children behind (one was killed in front of his 4 year old);; each man is described as a great man but already the media is showing their "criminal side". The day after America celebrated its independence a father of 5 named Alton Sterling was killed by police. The current report is that someone called to the police to the store where Alton was selling CDs in front of because they said he had a gun. When the police arrived there was no gun. When the man laid dead on the ground dying there was no gun in his hand. Witnesses say that after the man was dead the police reached into his cargo pants, pulled out a gun, and then placed it in their squad car. The report from the store owner, who knew Alton, and allowed him gto cell his CDs outside said that the police attacked him never telling him what he was being arrested for. As the coverage went on we witnessed his 15 year old (the oldest of 5) break down while his mother was deliviring an address at a press conference. When CNN reported the killing they used a mugshot of his from years ago, not any of the many pictures of him smiling or being with his children. The black community began to mourn. The hashtags went up, we spoke his name! And then..... Less than 24 hours later; Philandro Castille happened. This was a black man who was pulled over while in the car with his girlfriend and 4 year old daughter for having a light out. Once pulled over the officers were informed that he had a gun, a license to carry the gun, and where the gun was located. They were also informed where his license and wallet were located. The cop told him to get out his license, the cop then shot him in 5, FIVE, Cinco times WITH HIS FOUR YEAR OLD IN THE BACK SEAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The officers then put his girlfriend, the passaganer, the one who went live on FB when they were pulled over, in handcuffs in the back of a police car WITH HER FOUR YEAR OLD. The little girl can be heard in the back seat comforting her mom and saying it's okay mom, I'm right here. The girlfriend was the detained UNTIL 5AM THE NEXT MORNING and was kept away from her daughter for that time. They didn't give them food or water; WHAT DID SHE DO WRONG?????? This man was a supervisor of food at a school, he had a license to carry, no record! So why am I scared? - I'm scared because this is not the first time cops have killed African Americans. They were not convicted in like any of those cases. - I'm scared because I love black men! - I'm scared because no one is policing the police. - I'm scared because even when you comply you can be killed - I'm scared because most of my white friends aren't speaking out - I'm scared because people don't see the value in black life - I'm scared because I have uncles and cousins and brothers and friends who are black - I'm scared because we are being exterminated and no one seems to care - I'm SCARED!! I'm scared and I'm scarred. I'm sad and I'm angry. I'm sad that there is no one to protect us if the ones we call to protect us are the ones killing us. I'm sad because there are 6 children (just from these two incidents) who no longer have their dads and now have a messed up relationship with the police I'm sad because I want to have children, and they will be black, and will then be the newest target for the ones in blue. I don't want to have to do a press conference. To tell people why my child didn't deserve to die like that, or that my child wouldn't commit suicide while in police custody. This entire ordeal has literally rocked my world.....the constant posts, the berated hatred, the number of friends Ii'm finding out who only like me because I'm "black-lite" is becoming overwhelming.... For my sanity and to save people from the pending wrath I've taken a bit of a break from Social Media and have been just in the word trying to figure out how God says we're supposed to handle this world.....but until I have the answers I pray!