Too Far Gone

I'm starting to believe that I fall just way too easily.... I used to be so hard. But once I started to do the heart work to stop being so guarded, angry, bitter, etc I think I lost some of the walls that I used to have up. I'm known for being able to say "didn't they tell you that I was a savage" - but for some reason with this one I'm not doing to well. When someone admits that they've liked you for a while and the feelings are reciprocated you would think that the next logical step would be to started dating or hanging out or something. You don't expect someone to bring the feelings to the forefront and then tell you I don't want to move forward because I just got out of a relationship. Like dude how dare you make me face my feelings and let them out and then shut me down. Like are you just playing with my emotions? It just hit me, is this God letting me have it for the people who I let reveal feelings and I just used for attention? To be honest I kind of thought the rape was my punishment for that. (But that's another post) But maybe not. Maybe that wasn't enough. Although since then I've been pretty open with each of them. I've told each of them why we can't be anything and given each of them the reasons. I don't know. But I know I don't want to get hurt and I don't want to put myself all the way into something that will never be anything. But on the other end this could be everything that i prayed for and my impatience could ruin it. I'm confused and a bit annoyed. I don't want him to move before he's ready but I also don't like the feeling like I'm on layaway. But this isn't the first time a dude's put me on layaway.... (that's another post too). I guess I don't know what the outcome of this post is supposed to be lol. I just need to write it all out so I could get it out of my head because it was beginning to drive me insane and I didn't want to lash out.....I'm getting better about that. Just wanting to let it be what it's supposed to be when it's supposed to be....Gotta give God full control on this one!!! NOW PLAYING: Notebook - Chrisette Michele