Stuck

I am so stuck in more ways than one that it is driving me nuts. I have no idea what to do with anything anymore. I'm stuck in life, in love, in absoloutely everything.

1. So this writing thing. I have finished that one piece that I was working on and sent it to my friend. I am terrified but that was the first step. Letting someone else read what I'd written. I am so scared to see what she says that i am actually dreading it. I kind of don't even want her feedback anymore. If I could unsend it I probably would. But she has it now, she told me she has it, and now I'm nervous.

2. Life: I have nothing to do, nothing is going the way I'd planned. But that's life right? I am just existing. I know I'm not loving up to my potential but I just don't know how to anymore.

3. Love -- still love him and that super sucks. Nothing else to say about it but that.

And: I am going to write something her that I never written out, said out loud, even really thought in the presence of people. I feel God calling me to do something and I'm not entirely sure what it is. I've felt his tugging for a while but I'm not sure exactly what he wants from me. I want to say that he want's me to conuncel young people but I feel like he may want me to preach to them, well preach in general. I mean it could also just be that I feel this way because when you've been in church so long you naturally feel like he may want you to preach. I mean I may just want to be important in and of myself. That may be what the real issue is. I think I need a sign and I know what kind of sign I want but I just don't know. Am I being like Gideon wanting a sign when the signs are all around me? And how can I preach the word of God? I am no where near without blame. I'm so broken and full of sin why would anyone want to listen to me talk. There are too many people who know what I've done that wasn't so pleasing to Christ.

Maybe that's why I feel stuck, because I;m ignoring God's calling on my life. But how can I be sure that it's God's calling and not just a thought going on in my head? ;m confused and I'm not sure if I'm confused because I want to be or because I really don't know what to believe. I know that I need to work with young people in some capacity but I have no idea what capacity that is. I just want to teach them so that they never have to experience anything of what I've head to deal with. Just praying for guidance for now. Should someone happen to stumble on this please pray for me as well.