What Do I Want

When I was 7 years old I had my entire future mapped out. I knew what college I wanted to go to, that i wanted to be, when I would get married, when I would have kids, where I would live, what car I would drive but as I sit in front of my laptop (something I'd never heard of at 7) I'm more lost than I have ever been. So college is over and I didn't go to the school I wanted to at 7; basically because when I went for the visit it just didn't fit anything that I wanted out of my college experience. I didn't even graduate from the college I decided I loved since it got to expensive and I had to switch to a school much closer to home. I'm not done with school I do still want that law degree but it feels a little weird. At 7 I wanted to be married at 18 and have had my first child by 21 (honing in on what my grandmother did) but as 18 started to approach and became closer than 7 was I realized I was not yet over my selfishness enough to become a wife or a mother. They are still my very main goals in life. I want to be a good wife and a great mommy and to give my babies all of the best chances in life and I can't do that if I'm still out trying to have my youth. This is becoming more and more evident as this latest baby boom has hit and I see all of the people who are turning out to be terrible parents. I'm realizing more that I want to learn as much as I can and experience as much as I can so that I can talk to my children about everything I've experienced to help them get through whatever. And how can I be a great wife when I still want to travel the world with my girlfriends and flirt with boys in different states and countries. According to astrology as a Gemini I am the most likely of the signs to commit an infidelity in a relationship and though I haven't yet and due to the pain I've seen my family experience through infidelity I don't believe that I will -- but I do want to give myself the best chances at a healthy, life long marriage. I want to figure out who Anissa is before the labels of wife and mother are placed on me and I lose my identity in my family. Not that I think that that is a bad thing, it's what I want, but I don't want to have to do that until I've lived my life. I just want to take that time.

And the reason for this whole rant thingy really has to do with my career. Law is an eventually thing I am sort of thinking that I want to try my hand at being a personal assisitant. All of last week I was playing Personal Assistant for my mother while she was getting everything ready for her birthday party that was Saturday, I tweeted about how I was playing personal assistant and somneone aksked if I was one because they were looking for one, I gave her my email and told her to send me the details but she hasn't sent them yet. And then today a FB friend who is a musician is